Seasons of change

Winter is definitely upon us. It has been frigid and cold for weeks and weeks. We had our first snow months ago. And now it's December.

These past few weeks having been full. Full of the hustle and bustle of the holiday season. Full of the anticipation for upcoming travels. Full of sorrow for my dearest friend and her family.

On November 22nd, my oldest and dearest friend Kristina lost her eldest son. He was just 19. Mikey died in a car accident traveling home for the holidays. He died instantly. His pregnant girlfriend was in the car with him. She broke her femur and was banged up pretty good. The baby is well. I flew to Arizona to be with her and help her. Help her with the service, the program and the flowers. Help her with her other 6 children who range in ages 15 to 2 months. Help her clean her house. Help her cope.

It was a long week. An exhausting week. Saying goodbye to a baby I helped deliver (he was so eager to come that he didn't wait for the doctor to return to the room) was one of the hardest things I ever had to do. My mind was muddied with memories of him throughout the years and my mother's heart was full of pain at seeing my sister suffer this loss. I can' t imagine losing a child. I thought of my own children and how devastated I would be. How would I cope? How would I function? How could I possibly go on?


Kristina has dealt remarkably well. She knows this isn't goodbye. She will be with Mikey again. But I could tell that her spirit had dimmed. She lost some brightness to her countenance. A light I fear she may never get back.

She has a difficult road ahead of her. And I worry for her everyday. I pray for her as well. It's difficult to watch someone you love suffer so.

"When our days become dark and dreary with low hovering clouds and our nights become darker than a thousand midnights, let us remember that... {God} is able to make a way out of no way and transform dark yesterdays into bright tomorrows." Martin Luther King Jr.

This holiday will be difficult for all. It will be our first Christmas without Nancy and I will be thinking of Kristina as I know this will be a hard time for her and the kids. In some ways it doesn't feel very festive or very Christmas-y. It just feels cold and dreary.

My mom told me that every hardship comes with a lesson. The lesson I've learned from this is that I will treasure my children everyday. Every moment. Even when Evie is throwing a bloody fit. Because I would suffer through a thousand melt downs and trade a life time of tantrums to get her back if anything happened. I also know that my oldest girls will be going off to college soon and that scares me to no end. I will worry about them always. And I want to make as many memories as we can before they are off.  I know I can't be with them forever. Just cherish the time we have.

I read a quote once that said something like "Becoming a mother is like deciding forever to have you heart go walking around outside your body."

So true. So true.

Can you believe it!?

Can you believe that three weeks from today will be December 1st? 

Thanksgiving is just around the corner and I'm super excited this year! This year my older brother and his kids will be joining us for a few days. And during those few days my mom, grandparents and little brother will be over too! It's not very often we are together. In fact the last time we were all together was three years ago. I look forward to family gatherings more and more. Probably because we've 'grown up' and the drama involved in so many of our past gatherings isn't there. My brothers and I have been through a lot together and I'm glad we are at a place where we can converse and enjoy time together.

The festivity preparations will soon begin; making menus, grocery lists, figuring out sleeping arrangements for 15, activities etc.

I'm also lobbying my little brother to come up a day early so we have a bit more time together- so far that's not working. But I shall keep trying.

Can't wait for the cousins to catch up- it has been too long! And if I've learned anything this past year- it is to not take anything for granted. Not a person. Not time. Not relationships. Not family or friends. Things change too fast.

Guess that's enough for now...time to get back on pinterest and find the perfect Pecan Pie recipe. I've tried different recipes each of the past few years and nothing has been FABULOUS! I'm determined this year! Wish me luck!

Halloween 2014

We have been spoiled the past few years with lovely mild weathered Halloweens. This year not so much. It was cold and once the sun went down it was down right freezing. In fact, a few minutes into trick or treating Evie went from saying "Trick or Treat" to "I'm cold!". We always attend the trick or trunk at our church. It's a fun quick way to dive into the 'trick or treating' without much effort on the parents part- which with this year's weather was fine with us! It's also fun to see all the creative costumes families come up. They are usually themed and super adorable. We had the cast from Monsters Inc, all the Power Rangers, the cast of Frozen including the ice monster, and Wizard of Oz. Families also decorate their trunks or back hatches with Halloweenie stuff- which is fun to see too. Corynn took Evie around while John and I handed out candy. The twins wanted to stay home.

So after a quick round at Trick or Trunk, we headed over to Gpa Kelly's house. The twins decided to head over too and hang out with him, help him hand out candy and keep him company. Kynna dressed up as an Engineer with a pink hard hat and tool belt. Kwynn was a lumber jack with a red flannel, stocking cap and beard. I didn't get any pix of them- but they were cute.

Corynn had a Halloween party to go to with friends. After that she stayed the night at a friend's house. She had an absolute blast...such a social butterfly, that one.

Corynn dressed as a flapper girl (1920s). I sewed the dress and head band after school on Halloween in about an hour. Nothing like waiting until the last minute. Sheeesh.

Evie was a cow girl. Super adorable! She had so much fun running around all dressed up with her horse. I just love her little red boots! So sweet!

It was a fun evening and memories were made. What else can you ask for!? Halloween 2014 is in the books

Pumpkin Patch 2014

Evie has been wanting a pumpkin for weeks... probably since she first spotted them at grocery stores way back mid-Spetember. We told her to be patient and that we would take her to the pumpkin patch so she could pick out her very own pumpkin. But that she would have to wait until we got back from Colorado. Well, the little bit waited so very patiently...and finally all that waiting paid off. We went to the patch on Saturday. The twins had PSAT testing that morning, so took Corynn (and Corynn's friend, Grace) and Evie.

Evie had a blast. She LOVED the animals! I can't wait to move to an acreage so she can have a pasture full of animals! We also took her through her first haunted house! She's fearless...either that or she's not old enough to find ghosts and skeletons scary. OR perhaps we've numbed her with The Walking Dead...who knows. She had a lot of fun and that's what really matters.

I tried to get cute photos of Evie, but she is the stage of forced smiles and silly faces. So getting an adorable photo is pretty much out of the question. 

I didn't get many photos of Corynn- she was busy with her friend. But I did manage to get the quintessential "Here's my pumpkin!" photo! 

We spent a few hours out there and I was flooded with memories of my mother in law. Last year almost to the day, we went to the same patch with John's parents. It was such a fun day. We had no idea that three days later she would be getting a MRI which found a tumor in her liver. Or that one week later she would be in the hospital diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. We cautiously asked Jeff if would like to go with us today, but he couldn't. Partially because he had plans this afternoon and partially because it would be too hard to go back. We completely understood.

{We miss Nancy terribly. I'm conflicted with going places that remind me of her like the pumpkin patch or Davey or Stuhr...but I think would rather go and have those memories, flashbacks and moments to reminisce, than not. I don't want to forget her, or her funny stories or things she said. I don't want them to get packed away inside my head and forgotten. I want to keep her with us. All around us. Our children have lost three grandmas in three years. Wonderful, strong amazing women whom I admired and adored. I want them to remember them and be like them. I think that's why I force myself to remember even when my heart is breaking from missing them so much. }